Parent Programs
Parent Happy Hour
At 13thirty Cancer Connect, we’ve been hosting frequent programs on Zoom for our AYAs in both Rochester and Syracuse. We finally got the chance to catch up with our 13thirty parents this month at our Parent Happy Hour program. 13thirty parents joined a Zoom call to connect with one another and catch up since quarantine went into effect.
A note from our Founder & Executive Director, Lauren Spiker:
Adolescence and young adulthood come with many life changes and transitions for teens and young adults – and for parents! We all hope our children will become independent, responsible adults able to manage the ups and downs of life on their own, but it’s often really hard to let go and watch the process unfold. When cancer enters the picture, everything changes and regardless of their age, taking care of our children becomes priority number one. In truth, I’ve never met a parent who wouldn’t trade places with his or her child in a heartbeat when cancer threatens. That not an option, our natural instinct kicks into high gear and we do everything humanly possible to ease the pain. We just do what parents do – give everything we have to take care of our child.
But it’s often a lonely road we walk. Well-meaning friends help the best they can and we are grateful but they don’t know what it’s like. How could they? That’s where 13thirty Cancer Connect comes in. Just as we do for our teens and young adults, we offer parents the comfort of peers who understand. Other parents who know how it feels even when we can’t find the words to describe our fears, our hopes, our dreams. Others who know the weight of our shoes and the pain in our hearts. Though it’s a club no parent ever wants to join, new members are always welcome!
Upcoming Parent Programs
Our next parent program is Parent Fit on Thursday, June 11th at 6:30 PM. Our Rochester trainer, Brianne will help us get back on track with our workout routines. Come dressed to workout, inside or outside for this one hour Zoom call.
Look out for our workout programs for both 13thirty AYAs and Parents and stay connected with our site calendar!
When You’re Feeling Alone
“You are enough exactly as you are. The world needs your gift and the world needs your story.” – Crystal Paine
If you’re anything like me, these thoughts have swirled through your mind and played with your emotions more than once as you’ve navigated through the ups and downs of diagnosis, treatment, and recovery. Or maybe you’re a parent walking through this with your child (no matter what age they may be), or a sibling watching your sister or brother on this hard journey, and you know that pressing weight of loneliness and being misunderstood.
It seems while everyone else gets to go on with their lives, you’re stuck in this weird twilight zone of dealing with disease.
Can you relate?
For me, being 27 years old and newly diagnosed with cancer, I felt disconnected from my friends. Even two years later, I still find it hard to relate to others who haven’t gone through the hard times that have made them stronger. But I found myself needing and learning to surround myself with understanding community.
I found that here at 13thirty Cancer Connect, and through other amazing organizations who have set out to create that community for AYA cancer patients and survivors.
To have friends here in Rochester, NY, and all over the country now who have been through it, and who get it, is more of a gift than I ever could have realized without walking through my own struggle. And just as their support and understanding has uplifted me, I have been able to share my story to encourage others as well.
Here’s the truth: You are NOT alone, and your story MATTERS.
We’ve talked about why support groups are important, but the fact remains that many AYA cancer patients and survivors are prone to depression, loneliness, and isolation due to their diagnoses, treatments, and the lingering after-effects of cancer; whether physically, emotionally, or spiritually. And support and wellness groups that offer hope, encouragement, friendship, and high quality programs that foster creativity, positivity, and safe space to share organically about experiences through diagnosis and the cancer journey can greatly combat those statistics!
At 13thirty Cancer Connect, you can embrace community, wellness, and support through all the highs and lows. You are NOT alone. We all get it here. And we are all in this together — living our BEST lives, TODAY! Visit our Rochester page or stop in to the Center to meet the staff and get connected!
About the Author
Sabrina Gauer is our Communications Coordinator and Wellness Coach here at 13thirty Cancer Connect! Follow her Instagram for more tips and encouragement for whole health and wellness living!
Dear Well-Meaning Friend
When tragedy strikes, people get weird.
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“You’re strong! You’ve got this! You’re the bravest person I know!”
“Maybe it’s going to teach you a lesson?”
“I’m going to check in on you all the time, and I won’t take no for an answer!”
“I’ve been doing research for you and you really should be doing (insert latest conventional or holistic treatment here) because I heard that it actually works…”
We all have those friends who mean well, who care so deeply, and just want to help. But honestly?
Sometimes the best thing to say is nothing at all.
What most of us really need from our friends and family is support. The shoulder to cry on if needed, the hand to hold when the needles are sharp and we are on our last nerve with the nurse who can’t figure out where our veins are, the hilarious memes shared via texts at just the right moment when we need a good laugh — even if it hurts to laugh.
But not everyone understands that.
It’s hard to watch a friend or family member go through hard times. We all have this thing inside of us that feels helpless when we aren’t doing something for our loved one. But we also need to remember that not everyone wants to be smothered with attention or well-meaning advice. We need to remember that boundaries are important, especially when someone is navigating through the confusion of illness and healing.
And as a patient, we might not handle every situation with grace. We might be in a really bad mood and we might lose it over the smallest thing. It’s not an excuse, but it’s still a reality. Medications, exhaustion, stressful schedules, working through “normal” life and the cancer world…it all adds up sometimes and we either snap or shut down for a while.
So, my friend, please understand: you are needed.
But sometimes you need to be gentle with us. Life is totally different now, and our relationship with you will change along with it. That’s not a bad thing; it’s just different.
And if you are that friend who has embraced this new normal and walked through the highs and lows with us, never expecting anything from us, and just being there every step of the journey with respect, understanding and love…well, you are a very special and appreciated individual who’s friendship is worth far more than words could ever express. Thank you for everything.
13thirty Cancer Connect is a place where teens and young adults impacted by cancer are living their best lives — TODAY! We get it here. We’ve been through it or are still walking through it. And we are supporting each other in an environment of acceptance, respect, kindness and love. Visit our Rochester page for programs and events, or stop in to the Center to meet the staff and get connected!
About the Author
Sabrina Gauer is our Communications Coordinator and Wellness Coach here at 13thirty Cancer Connect! Follow her blog and Instagram for more tips and encouragement for whole health and wellness living!
Why Support Groups Are Important to Your Health
Support groups.
As an AYA cancer patient, those words made me cringe with anxiety.
My first experience with an AYA cancer support group left me feeling depressed and disconnected. I had sat in a sterile, uncomfortable hospital meeting room with a handful of others who were in various stages of their cancers. As we shared our thoughts and feelings in a painfully awkward circle, it became crystal clear:
This wasn’t working for me.
The following months were spent trying to figure out my “new normal” while attempting to get back to “regular” life as I knew it — and it wasn’t easy. I ended up quitting my job, discovering a new passion, and finding myself on an entirely different path than I ever expected.
But no one really understood me.
Our teens & young adults at Canadice Lake for our 2016 outdoor program with Pack Paddle Ski!
One day, I received a phone call from the social worker in my oncologist’s department with the name of another AYA cancer patient who had a very similar surgery to my own. I immediately reached out to her, and we got together over coffee. For the first time since my diagnosis, I felt like I had someone who “got” me! It was an incredible feeling! She understood what I had gone through, could relate to the emotions and uncertainties, and could laugh with me about the changes and challenges of our particular cancer.
It was the most freeing experience I had had since the diagnosis.
A few days later, she reached out to me about a group called 13thirty Cancer Connect and the Fit! program. “You need to meet Lauren,” my friend texted. “You’ll love her!” I hesitated, given my previous experience with cancer groups, but I was also curious about 13thirty. So I made an appointment to meet with Lauren Spiker and signed up for the 13thirty Fit! program. The rest, as they say, is history!
Connecting with others who “get it” is so important to our overall wellbeing.
According to an article by the Mayo Clinic, support groups are places where we can heal and trust the process of 
our journeys in a safe space. The article lists out the following benefits of a support group:
- Feeling less lonely, isolated or judged
- Gaining a sense of empowerment and control
- Improving your coping skills and sense of adjustment
- Talking openly and honestly about your feelings
- Reducing distress, depression, anxiety or fatigue
- Developing a clearer understanding of what to expect with your situation
- Getting practical advice or information about treatment options
- Comparing notes about resources, such as doctors and alternative options
At 13thirty Cancer Connect, we’ve been through it all: diagnoses, doctors, hospitals, medications, side-effects, scars, disabilities, challenges, and triumphs. Our lives have been changed in such a drastic way, but to be accepted and understood in a space where we can thrive together is key on our survivorship journeys. We encourage one another, cheer each other on, believe in each other. Whether it’s through teen & young adult events, parents & caregivers support, hanging out at the Center, being out in the community, or catching up outside of 13thirty, you will find its so much more than a “support group”; there’s a sense of belonging to a family here!
Visit www.roc.13thirty.org for our upcoming events, or stop by the Center to say hello!
About the Author
Sabrina Gauer is our Communications Coordinator and Wellness Coach here at 13thirty Cancer Connect! Follow her Instagram for more tips and encouragement for whole health and wellness living!